South African Man v. American Man

Okay, before I begin, I'm going to place a huge disclaimer on this post and inform you beforehand that this is solely my opinion and I recognize that I am drawing huge generalizations.  But since this is my blog, I get to do and say whatever I want.

So I have been here for about a month and a half and I must say that there is a big difference between South African men and American men.  Before I go any further, let me narrow my focus a bit---since I have never seriously dated an American man who was not black, I will only discuss my experience with that group of men when I make this comparison.  For purposes of trying to create a direct comparison, I will only discuss my experiences with black South African (though many are immigrants from other African countries) men.

I find that the language used to articulate one's interest in a woman varies drastically amongst these two groups.  The idea came to mind after having three different but memorable encounters with various African men.  My first encounter was while I was walking along the street on my way to the store.  As I approached three men standing together I knew one of them was bound to say something (not sure whether it's me or if it's just a requirement to comment when a lady passes by).  As I walked by politely saying excuse me, one of the men blurted out, "If I cannot have you as my girlfriend, I will slit my throat and bleed to death."  To say I was shocked is an understatement.  I thought to myself, was that line supposed to cause me to run into his arms or run to find him the nearest psychiatrist?

My second memorable encounter was when I stopped by a building to pick up my bib number for a road race I was running a few days later.  I went to the building after my bikram yoga class, so needless to say I was drenched in sweat, disoriented, and not in the mood for small talk.  I asked the gentleman at the gate where I should park and he began to speak to me in another language.  I politely told him that I only understood English and he smiled and showed me where to go.  As I was leaving the building he walked over to me and said that he wanted to ask me something, he said, "My heart has been paining me for the past 15 minutes.  Why you might ask? (note: I didn't ask), because....ummmm....how can I put this....I love you and must be with you."  At this point, I was used to the "crazy" comments so I smiled politely and gave him my usual retort, "I am married." Most men seem to back off when you tell them you are married, if you tell them you only have a boyfriend, you leave the door wide open.  Expecting that this realization would cause him to allow me to walk back to my car in peace, I was wrong.  Instead, he said, "I do not mind being the third wheel.  Please I love you and must be with you."  I smiled and walked into my car (and immediately locked the door).  I knew his overtures were harmless, though a bit strange, and chuckled to myself as I drove away.

My third encounter occurred while I was perusing the mall.  As I was walking around in circles (unsure of where I had parked) I was also responding to an e-mail.  After a few more laps around the mall I located my car and as I walked towards it (still continuing to tap away on my crackberry) a gentleman walked over to me and said, "I will cry if my name and number are not added to your phone."  I looked up a bit startled and thought to myself, here we go again.  I smiled and said, "I can't add anymore."  His retort was, "Oh I get it, you have too many friends and don't need anymore."  I answered affirmatively.  But that was not enough (surprise surprise).  So he asked if I could give him my number.  I thought that was easy enough and proceeded to give him my number, incorrectly.  I hopped in my car, but before I could finish sending my e-mail he came back over to me in his car and said the number didn't seem to be going through.  I smiled to myself and feigned astonishment.  I told him that I had to add minutes to my phone and it would be working later that day.
 
Now, I understand that these three examples sound extreme (but are extremely true) and might scare most women away in the U.S., but I was intrigued by the way the men expressed their interest.  I have had men approach me in the States but never using such strong language and persistence.  If I were in the States and a gentleman made any of the comments made by any of these men, I would b very afraid. In the States, a guy may tell you that he thinks you're hot, or that he likes your smile, but I doubt that during your first encounter he will profess his love for you. But is there something to be said about a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to make it very clear the first time he sees a lady?  Are there certain feelings that a man should hold off on expressing until he gets to know a woman more?

I suppose there is something that both groups can learn from one another.